April 24, 2017

The Adolf Eichmann Award for Leadership in the Field of Detention and Deportation of “Undesirables” is presented to

General John Kelly, Secretary, U.S. Department of Homeland Security

In recognition of his outstanding achievements:

For striking terror into the hearts of Muslims everywhere by enforcing Mein Trumpf’s January 27, 2017 Muslim Ban.  Eichmann Award PDF

For his tireless effort to begin construction of the border wall by the end of summer 2017.

For not letting the “political correctness that for too long has dictated our approach to national security” stop him from racial and religious profiling and torture.

For his shameless commitment to separate families. As he said, “I would do almost anything to deter the people from Central America….”

For adding 10,000 new ICE agents and 5000 Border Patrol agents to speed up arrests and deportations.

For his recent Homeland Security memos making every undocumented immigrant a target, expediting removal without due process, expanding “Secure Communities” to enlist all local law enforcement in this heroic effort.

For heartlessly arresting a brain tumor patient out of the hospital, a father dropping his daughter off at school, a woman at a courthouse seeking protection from domestic abuse. For the first deportation of a DACA recipient.

In the category of “Lifetime Achievement,” we would like to recognize his efforts as former head of U.S. Southern Command to keep the Guantanamo Bay torture center open. As he said “There are no innocent men down there.” And a special Joseph Mengele appreciation for overseeing the force-feeding of hunger strikers there.

Eichmann would be proud!